Monday, September 6, 2010

Profile of a Narcissist

Those with genuine Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) have a unique outlook on life. Typically, clinical narcissists have a grandiose sense of self-importance, that is, they will have "been-there-done-that" and will exaggerate their accomplishments. For example, if you have a narcissistic parent and you achieve something, they will claim to have also done something quite similar, however, when they did it, it was more difficult and they did a better job. Most of the time, the narcissistic parent has not achieved what they claim to have achieved, but they do want you to believe they did. They will stop at no end to ensure that they are seen as being "better" than you are in most every way.

Narcissists truly believe that they are the center of the universe. Narcissistic parents have fantasies of being brilliant, powerful, and perfect. They believe they are special, and any quirks they may have are "eccentricities," not craziness in their minds. They need to be admired and will do just about anything to buy friends as they yearn for an audience to feed their egos. Their relationships with their "friends" are in place to suit their needs and feed their egos. Their children are extensions of themselves; children of narcissists that do not live up to the parent's expectations are seen as selfish by the parent. The NPD parent will try to guilt the child into behaving or performing in the way the NPD parent needs. Admiration is their drug and they need constant affirmation from those around them.

Narcissists use those around them to feed their needs and they will stop at nothing to get what they want: admiration. Their need for attention is a bottomless pit, and there is nothing you can do for them that will be enough- or good enough. They require those around them to comply with their demands at the snap of a finger.  If you do not comply, the NPD parent will respond by pouting and playing the victim or flying into a rage and threatening you so that you do comply. They do not care about your needs. In fact, if your narcissistic parent asks you to do something for them and you say you cannot do it, it will be almost as if they did not hear you. They will continue to state their needs and ignore yours.

Those with NPD are arrogant and believe the world owes them something; they believe that others are in awe of them or afraid of them. Naricissistic parents will contradict themselves constantly- many times in one sentence. NPD parents are hypersensitive to criticism. If you are a child of an NPD parent, you already know that criticizing your NPD parent is off limits- you have been conditioned during your lifetime with them to comply with their demands.

Living with an NPD parent is difficult to say the least. You have been conditioned to read their facial expressions, the tone of their voice, the way they look at you, and to read between the lines when they are telling you something. You have put your needs aside to deal with their needs and have a deep sense that you are not worth love from another as your NPD parent made it very clear that your needs were second to theirs.

This blog will explore the implications of growing up with a parent with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and what lasting effects linger on into the child's adulthood.

1 comment:

  1. age 60. Recovering from devastating final NPD event with 85 yr old mother. I feel I was blind until now, but understand she has a disorder that originated in her childhood. Most difficult since I am bipolar, as my father, who committed suicide on the phone with me. The rest of the family sides with my mo. Just my foreigner husband supports me. Thank you for the most informative, accurate information. It all applies here.